why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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