Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
