im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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