Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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