he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
