Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
