there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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