dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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