So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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