I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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