Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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