it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
