Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
