You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
