Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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