i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
