whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
