Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
