it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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