Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
