And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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