I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Randomize
