dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
