so explain again why im purple
no
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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