my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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