so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
