i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
We talked him into tasing himself.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
