I think i peed on brittanys purse
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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