Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
