do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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