i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
