I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
