I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
She told me I should be a condom model.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
