There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Randomize
