woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Randomize
