Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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