ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
