what if every blade of grass was a penis?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
