***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
ugly people sure do ruin things
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
