And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
