Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
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