dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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