Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Pants are for mortals
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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