My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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