So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
