She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
