I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
