It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
