Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
My life is pants optional.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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