one might say we're banned from that church
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
