hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
