i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
