i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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