just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
