I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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